As any man will tell you, women are incredibly complex creatures! If you find that
you feel lost at times, perhaps you should seek the expertise of another – after all,
it's not rocket science, and women are far more complicated than that!
Men and women are so very different and require handling in specific ways,
especially when it comes to matters of courtship.
I'm sure you would all like to think of yourself as a sophisticated James Bond-type
who finds scantily clad women literally falling at his feet. Of course you must
remain realistic because we don't live in a world created by Ian Fleming. However
there is no reason why we can't conduct ourselves confidently and worldly-wise
while enjoying successful, fulfilling relationships with members of the opposite sex.
Being successful with women is a statement open to interpretation and has a
different meaning for each individual. Many men believe success lies in the number
of women they have encounters with, while others actually want a meaningful
relationship. Whatever the case may be, in order to take the "next step" with any
woman you must first know how to approach and speak to her.
Once you have read and thought about the content of this guide, I'm sure your self
confidence will know no bounds and your technique, once practiced, will be fine-
tuned to the point where you will truly believe that you cannot fail!
WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?
This question has totally wiped out many a man's mind since the dawn of time.
Knowing what women want and how they like to be treated is the key to your
success.
Women can be fickle creatures and their moods are easily changed. Luckily for
men, most women are greatly impressed by the smallest gestures of sincerity and
sensitivity from men. The old cliché of a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates will
nearly always work for you in terms of setting the scene and creating a receptive
atmosphere.
The ways that men and women think are completely different from one another.
Even if we arrive at the same conclusions we will most likely have taken very
different paths to get there. This must be understood and accepted by you if you
intend to have any success.
The first major concept you must acquaint yourself with is EMPATHY - "putting
yourself in another person's shoes".
While a lot of men would love the idea of standing in a nightclub while women
throw themselves at them, women usually do not feel the same way.
To understand, maybe you should imagine a bunch of women you find very
unattractive approaching you - not as whimsical, is it? It is important to be
respectful when you approach someone and treat her how you would want to be
treated.
Women do appreciate the fact that men can be very intimidated by the pressure of having to make the first move. Unfortunately even in today's "women friendly"
society, generally women do prefer that men approach them in the first instance.
This is the first flattering step to success.
On the other hand, don't be put off by women who may want to approach you;
again, this is the finest form of flattery and takes confidence and courage to carry
out.
Let's assume that you will be initializing contact. You must be aware of the "A B C"
of successful dating:
A = Appearance.
B = Body Language.
C = Conversation.
APPEARANCE
Within the first seven seconds of seeing someone, we have formed an opinion
about him or her. Obviously our appearance tells others many things about us like
if we are interested in fashion, if we have a sense of occasion, if we are neat, tidy
and clean and so on.
If you want to make a statement about yourself you'll say it loud and clear by the
way you look. It can work for you as much as against you. For example, if you are
pretending to be something you're not it will only result in you appearing at best,
false, perhaps ridiculous and, at worst, untrustworthy.
Even if you do not have a keen interest in clothes, you must try to ensure that
whatever you wear is clean, tidy and coordinated. Look in catalogues or around
clothes shops for ideas about what is deemed as acceptable and unacceptable.
You can always ask the opinion of salespeople in stores; they are there to help!
Pay attention to everything about your hygiene from the top of your head to the tip
of your toenails. Personal hygiene is a big issue on the dating front. Women find
bad hair, bad breath, body odor, dirty finger/toe nails, dirty clothes etc. extremely
offensive and such things are difficult if not impossible to overcome. Always ensure
that you are clean and presentable. If you are fortunate enough to have a close
friend, be they male or female, ask their opinion about your appearance and
personal hygiene standards. You may be surprised at their response! A man who takes pride in his appearance is a definite turn-on for most women.
BODY LANGUAGE
Body language is a vast minefield of a subject that cannot be covered in any depth
in a guide of this nature, but we will discuss awareness and basic signals. This should give you a foundation to build on.
Body language has a massive bearing on how you are perceived by people-
particularly those who don't know you. It is a strong form of communication that
occurs without a sound being made, and more often than not it is done
subconsciously.
The major points to bear in mind are:
Keeping open hand gestures to signify honesty and sincerity.
Maintaining eye contact to gain confidence.
Not placing any physical barriers between yourself and whomever you wish to
make contact with i.e. tables, chairs etc.
Trying not to fidget around too much as it displays insecurity and lack of
confidence.
These are fairly self-explanatory points, however I feel a little further explanation is
required.
Open hand movements are important when communicating honesty because tight,
closed-type gestures suggest that we may have something to hide or we may be
intimidated. Should you wish to attempt more subtle gestures, you may try
those mentioned above.
Some of these could be easily misinterpreted, but in
general terms we all tend to touch parts of our upper bodies- our hair, face, the
back of our neck etc- when we are socially uncomfortable. When you are out in a
social environment, observe groups of people and look at how they interact. You
will find that with practice, you can read a lot into body language and will eventually
be able to use it to your advantage.
For example, if you watch a predominantly male group you may find that any
female will be the focal point as far as sub-conscious signals go. Those that are
attracted to her may face her or point their foot/feet towards her. If she is interested
in any male she may do the same. If she is smoking she may expose the bare wrist
of her cigarette-holding hand to her prospect or display other subtle positive
gestures. Women often play with their hair in an attempt to preen themselves or tilt
their head slightly as part of the courtship ritual. The interpretation of body
language is a complex matter, but if you stick to the basics it really boils down to
common sense.
CONVERSATION
This is a major feature of successful courtship and a contributor to lasting
relationships. Making a woman feel like she is the only woman on earth will ensure
positive results every time in my opinion. Of course it can work against you if you
ever sound insincere.
When you initially approach your intended mate, you should have a structure in
mind to follow in order to achieve your goal. Never lose sight of what you are trying
to achieve, but try not to concentrate too hard either - you may appear a little too
intense.
The structure you should follow will vary depending on your preference, but may go
something like this:
Introduction.
Information gathering.
Assessment of interest.
Goal.
THE INTRODUCTION:
Introducing yourself can be an extremely intimidating experience. We all fear
rejection of any nature and would much rather avoid confrontational situations that
may result in rejection.
Again, it is always helpful to think how you would like to be approached yourself.
The things you find off-putting are the things others will also find off-putting, like the
over enthusiastic welcome or the timid, whispered introduction that you strain to
hear. The main thing to bear in mind is to always be yourself. There is no point in
pretending to be something that you're not, or assuming any airs and graces
because behavior of that nature is totally transparent to others and extremely off-
putting. When somebody says, "just be yourself", it is difficult to understand what
that means as we all act a little differently in certain situations- particularly when
under pressure.
Introductions, like everything else, can leave a lasting impression and women can
easily be very critical about people and make unfair generalizations. Women need
to feel "special". Attention and flattery are very powerful tools to use in the
courtship process.
The following are suggested openers for a first approach:
"Hello, I couldn't help noticing you from over there and I wondered if I could,
perhaps, buy you a drink?"
"I wondered if I could ask you to dance?"
"I know this will sound really corny but I think you are really attractive and I
wondered if...etc."
"Look, I've been wanting to come over and speak to you for ages, but I always feel
embarrassed about doing it. The thing is, I think you look really nice and I
wondered if...?
"I know that in our equal, non-sexist society that it is just as appropriate for women
to ask men out as vice versa but I'm afraid I am a bit old fashioned and I saw you
from over there and I wondered...?"
"I know I don't know you very well, but I've been wanting to ask you out for a long
time and haven't had the courage. I wondered if you...?"
Of course these are only suggestions and are by no means cast in tablets of stone.
You may want to try a humorous approach if that befits your personality, as it can
be a great icebreaker. A sense of humor in a man is a great turn-on for women but
can equally work against you if it's not naturally you.
INFORMATION GATHERING:
Once you have made your introduction and have been accepted into a
conversation, you can start to gather information about your potential mate.
Information is a powerful weapon when used correctly. Listening intently and
remembering what is said to you will win you great favors with women, as they
often feel uninteresting and unimportant to the male society. When women are
listened to and talked to as an "interesting equal" they assume a sense of
importance and value from the other party. Unfortunately some women can be
oversensitive to sexism and can feel easily patronized by men.
In order to obtain information, it is necessary to ask "open" questions. These are
questions in which an explanatory answer must be given without resorting to "yes"
or "no". For example:
"What do you think about so and so...?"
"Why did you decide to do so and so...?"
"That is interesting. What inspired you to do so and so...?
While you are extracting all of this valuable information, you are not only endearing
yourself to your prospective mate but you are gaining an insight into her personality
and psyche. The information can be used at the later closing stage to your
advantage by turning it around as follows:
"Well you said earlier on that you had a liking for films. Would you like to go and
see...at the cinema this week?"
"You said you hated cooking some time ago. How would you feel about letting me
treating you to a meal?"
Again, these are just an illustration of how to use information in a positive way and
are by no means instructions to be followed verbatim.
ASSESSMENT OF INTEREST:
By now you should easily be able to assess the interest of your prospect. Is she
smiling? Are you getting eye contact? Is her body language open and receptive?
Do you feel positive about the whole situation'?
If the answer is yes to all or any of the above questions, you may feel sufficiently
confident to progress to the next stage. If you don't feel confident and you're not
sure of the signals you're receiving, then remain in the conversation and
information gathering stage until you do feel confident enough to move on.
The main things to always remember are- be yourself, be honest, talk and listen to
your potential mate and above all, relax.
GOAL:
"The Final Frontier".
It is at this point that you have to make a choice as to what you want to happen
next. Do you want to see this woman again? Do you want to continue the current
situation? Do you not want to continue?
If you do want to make a date, remember what you read in the information
gathering section and think about what would interest your potential date.
If you want to continue with your existing situation but you feel that your prospect is
looking awkward or restless, it may be wise to invite them to stay or go on
somewhere else. For example:
"I hope I'm not keeping you. I've really enjoyed our conversation and I didn't want
it to end. If you've got to be somewhere please say so."
Or:
"Look, I don't know about you but I'm really enjoying myself. How would you feel
about moving on somewhere else?"
Obviously if you're not interested then you make your excuses and leave politely.
But be sure always leave the door open- she may have a friend!
